This is my first ever attempt at the ghazal form of urdu poetry. I have played around with the triveni and nazm (here and here) forms earlier and even had the audacity to add a couplet or two to some poor souls already established meters (including Ghalib’s which I am too ashamed to show anyone). However whenever I contemplated deciding on my own meter, I felt I was biting off more than I would have been able to chew. I have bitten off anyways now and the crumbs that fell off are here:
Thaki dopehar ko behlaati hui shaam nahi
Meri sulagti bechainiyo.n ko aaraam nahi
Kahi.n to dil ki siyaahi mei.n kuch kami hogi
Ke khat mein khushboo hai meri, mera naam nahi
Dil pe dard ki likhai thi, so mita di humne
Bas bujh bujh se gaye lafz, hue tamaam nahi
Kya ke phir is tarah ek aur mulaqaat gayi
Nahi ishaara nazar ka, koi salaam nahi
Maut aayi to mitti aur jism ek khaak hue
Chalo is rooh pe ab pairahan ka ilzam nahi
Is manzil pe le aaye.n hain aql-o-ishq, ke jahaa.n
Hosh ka kuch kaam nahi, bekhudi ka ehteraam nahi
Sachhe sher ‘Sadia’, ek umr laga dete hain
Kore kaagazo.n pe waqt ka koi muqaam nahi
Tags: urdu poetry urdu ghazal
18 comments:
Beautiful..
If its a first attempt of yours, then it is really a good one..
Keep Inking!!
Cheers,
HP
Hey, this is really good. Congrats on the graduation to the Ghazal :-)
Marhaba....I started..the first couplet...the word 'sulagti' slightly looked unfit...I read on... and by fourth couplet I was getting interested....and the next she'r made me sit up....Chalo is rooh pe ab pairahan ka ilzam nahi....آپنے بہت عمدہ خیال باندھا ہے اور بیحد خوبصورتی کے ساتھ
You have really done well...keep writing...being in Mumbai you can, if you like, might consult 'talammuz' or just a consultation with a Ustad. I am sure you will go a long way.
Ghazal ek vahshi sinf-e-shukhan hai aur ek baar giraft meN aa jaye to phir bas mashshaaqi ki zaruurat hai...
hey nice attempt..
love to see more of it..
Is manzil pe le aaye.n hain aql-o-ishq, ke jahaa.n
Hosh ka kuch kaam nahi, bekhudi ka ehteraam nahi
Beautiful lines!!
Wow this is ur first attempt! I must say u write with lot of depth.
Hope to see more coming:)
Dil pe dard ki likhai thi, so mita di humne
Bas bujh bujh se gaye lafz, hue tamaam nahi
........
great work.
I must say I liked the opening theme (matla) more...though simple, it was very genuine...
Also: nice choice of words/theme for the rhyme ('zameen')..."..aam nahi".
Thanks guys. This has been very encouraging. I'm glad you liked it :)
Adnan: I would have been very given to the idea of consulting some people from the urdu shayari scene in Mumbai. However circumstances have had it such that I have been quite quite close to the Urdu literatti so to say and am quite disenchanted with the lot at large. This would impede me i guess.
nice ... very nice indeed! :)
Wah wah wah...
-Amit
http://www.ipatrons.com
Sadia ...great work
This work of urs reminds me of a raaga 'Suddha Sarang'.
If u want to listen to the raaga on the flute, go to wwww.musicindiaonline.com and search for 'hariprasad zakir' under Hindustani instrumental.And click on 'Suddha Sarang' to play.
Sadia: The words are very nicely arranged. i also read the link to rediffblogs from this post, and that is again a well written piece.
My only problem with this is that... is mein kuchh aisa nahi hai, jo pehle kabhi nahi suna.. till one reached the last 2 lines.. that was fresh, compared to the thoughts in the earlier verses..
ya shayad, waqt ka kaagaz par muqaam hai??
arfi :)
warps: what was that :P. yeah warps me glad at the balance too. only i aint sure my definition of balance is rite.
amit . glad u like dit :)
foots: dam i cant hear anything on musicindia sumthing wrong with my forewall setting and i dunno how to change it :(
How: waqt ka muqaam hai ya nahi, is debatable, lekin waqt ke pairo.n ke nishaa.n to zaroor hain. jab hum chale, humne dekhe the :)
Sadia : screw up Microsoft(hoping that u r not on Linux) for something u were denied of :-) coz u hv paid for it.
Damn it !!!
Microsoft it is :( and moreover its firefox:(, although I love firefox, it is giving me trouble. But warpie has come to the rescue and promises to mail me the number :)
it's so beautiful.. really touching!!
i thought of chosing the best couplet.. but couldn't as each one is better than the best!
and it's your first attempt at ghazal!! a perfect start up..
Really marvellous, keep it up. Kaash her koi shairna thabiyat rakhtha!
Truely a lovely work. Looking for more.
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