Ek arsey se in aankhon ko
Yahaan kinaare par
Ghoomte dekha hai
Kabhi patthar ki seedhiyo.n par baithee.n
Anginat aasmaano.n ki dhundh mein gum
To kabhi bench ke tale
Bikhre kachre mein
Kisi rang pe tiki
Kabhi shaffaaf, chamakti hui
Jin ki nami, lehron ka aks ho
Lekin aksar maine dekha hai
Wo thehri hui sooni aankhein
Door kaheen aasmaan o samndar ke aage
Kisi andekhe nuqte par theher jaati hain
Kya jaane ye kya dhoondhti hain?
Kaheen meri tarah
Ek aur ufuq to nahi
Another Horizon
It’s been a while
I’ve watched,
These eyes around the shore
Seated sometimes
On cold damp steps
Lost in the mist of countless skies
Sometimes fixed,
On some colourful bit of dirt
Under the stone bench
At times, moist
Perhaps reflecting the sea
But often I see them
Vacant yet searching
Somewhere beyond the waters and skies
Like settled on a point unseen
And then I wonder
If they too seek
Another Horizon
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18 comments:
Waah sadia. This is you. Jazaak Allah ! Sampooran Singh should read this one.
Splendid!
Living up to one's own expectations is toughest. Translating your own poem must've been tough, and you've done a great job there too. I once tried translating a poem of mine and screwed it up badly.
(Not related: The ghazal in the side bar proved for me that music has healing power. Thanx.)
As always you're right, Illusionist. 'Lekin aksar maine dekha hai...' Let me quote Ghalib here...Hai pare sarhad-e idraak se apna masjuud,
Qible ko ahl-e nazar Qiblah-numa kahte hain. :)
Kumail: Sampooran Singh is going to hate you for calling him thus.
Awesome couplet :)
Introvert: Yeah it was tough but nothing in front of translating Faiz :(. Atleast here theres no guilt even if you dont do justice to the original
Khuub. Ufuq ka sahiiH talaffuz dekh kar aur lutf aa gaya.
I liked the English version more. Very interesting to have both an Urdu and English version. Wonder how it came about? Did you actually translate, or both evolved together...sometimes i have had verses develop together in more than one language...
I also like the English version better. May be it is because of my inability to really appreciate the beauty of free verses in Urdu.
A few minor corrections:
aksar not aqsar
nuqte not nukte
Well written, Sadia!
Mohib
Adnan: :) Ufuq ka to talaffuz sahih hai magar Mohib batate hain ke qaafi aur galtiyaan hain :(
Siyaah: these weren't translated from each other particularly. the thought developed simultaneously in both languages and I decided I'd can the one I didn't quite like. I prefer the Urdu one, so the English was nearer to being trashed but then on second thoughts it turned out quite ok, so kept them both :)
Mohib: The corrections will be made with immediate effect :) Thanks
To me, your writing reminds me of late Gulzar (late not as in dead, but Gulzar in his later phase)..."bench ke tale and "kachre mein" sits comfortably with "ek aur ufuq toh nahi"..
nice work Sadia
u write well... the only problem is im not much of a poetry person...
do u remember me?? we met at barista andheri... hows u doing?.. hope we meet up soon again :)
All i know is I can identify with the poem Lovely!!!!!!!!!!
Sinner: You make me feel good but I'm sure Gulzar's hitlist will start here.
phoenix: :)
Musings: of course i remember you. you promised to lend me Lord of the Rings :) yes yes we should meet up.
Anon: Thanks
Superb! I loved the english version more! The title is very striking: Ek aur ufaq! The whole concpet of the poem is beautiful.
tapasya: seems like most of the people cming here have liked the English version more
kahaaN haiN aap? Your fans are waiting for your new post.
Kya jaane ye kya dhoondhti hain?
Kaheen meri tarah
Ek aur ufuq to nahi
.... beautiful lines Sadia! sabhi ko talaash hai ... ek naye ufuq ki! :)
Bahut acche!!
I month and 6 days since ur last post. Aren't u ashamed of urself ? :)
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